The Collected Sayings of My Friend, Marcus - Vol.1

I imagine that everyone has at least one friend or acquaintance who is a virtual goldmine of unintended comedic relief. I'm lucky in the sense that I have several. Whether intentional or not, they simply can't help themselves.

Amongst these funny people is my good pal, Marcus. Marcus may be one of the most forward and uninhibited people I know. There is no subject he will not broach and no stranger he will not approach. He's simply not afraid to make an ass out of himself. (Indeed, I've had to avert my eyes on more than one occasion.) And he's the kind of guy who gets me into strange situations on nights like this.

Making use of my cellphone's "Notepad" function, I've been able to collect several of Marcus's more random statements over the past few months. Below is a small sample of his intoxicated brilliance which I have thankfully recorded for posterity. And although they do not approach the philosophical insights of Marcus Aurelius, there is a unique wisdom contained within his words. It may be that he is simply wise beyond his beers.

Volume 1:

- Her teeth are fake but her eyes are real.
- If you had to judge a place by its handtowels, this place is right up there.
- Hey man, pick up your phone!!! I'm in liquor limbo here!
- Hey man, I'll tell you...manners is where it's at.
- Alcoholic fortitude is just flat-out impressive.
- Dude, she's hot. She's like the Beanie Baby you want to marry.
- World War III at IHOP would be pretty money.
- Hey, I was BEYOND sober!
- I don't know. He may not be able to get into certain places.
- It's like a big party...which I believe I am.